I've written two posts since my last published one that I won't be putting here. The first I consider destructive, critical and judgy. I was upset about queers treating each other badly, and I was calling out such behaviors (anonymously/not specifically speaking).
The second post I consider de-constructive, breaking down why I wrote the first one, pondering on how I over-think my emotions and my choices and general indecisiveness. I have now chosen to also abstain from publishing this one as well, though the process of writing was helpful.
But I rather hold this project to more constructive ends. To building, to growth, to love and to art. There has been some great people in this city that I am enjoying solidifying friendships with. A close college friend just got back from a summer in San Francisco and I'm really excited to have another person in the neighborhood with which to checkout queer events and to explore the city by bike. And dare I say, Queer Field Day was amazing; seeing so many separate queer collective houses come together so fabulously with such theatricality warmed the heart. There's a lot of great queer experiences, spaces and people still in this city yet to meet and know, and while I'm not in the "get new friends" mode as I anticipate leaving this city, it's nice to still keeping investing in the people here. The more the reality of moving settles in for me, the more i understand that I'll still have a lot of New York to come back to. I see more now that really, I can leave here and move to San Francisco as planned, and start my life there, without abandoning or forgetting or forsaking this city. Bouncing from this event to the next by bike and enjoying recent rooftop adventures, rock shows and warm households has re-invigorated my faith in the community here. I know I'm coming to a point of separation with the city, but I've also come to terms with the fact that my frustration and anger have largely subsided (with the exception of my employment situation).
I've done a lot the past few weeks; one huge thing is that I've committed to making my bike my main non-commute means of transportation. It is so freeing to use this to get around; time never feels wasted like it does on a subway car, traveling by bike is always a joy and my connection with my body is stronger than its been in months. This has resulted in several charmed nights where I've bounced from party to show to communal gathering, seeing the many sides of punk new york, queer new york and my already well established friends. I feel blessed to find this balanced way to peruse social gatherings while maintaining the personal autonomy of coming and going as I please, and the gorgeous solitude of bike rides across Brooklyn.
And so I promise to keep such a spirit up, in my life and on this little project.
- D
